It's Guest Blog Time!
For me, it is always about the relationships. Every time we find out about a move, I begin to dread the goodbyes long before they even start. It isn't that I lack a desire for adventure and the excitement of the new places we will go. It is that finding people I connect with is very special to me. I've long said that I can work anywhere and do just about anything, as long as I enjoy the people I am surrounded by. The same applies to where we live. Whether we are in a small South American country or a large city in the U.S., it is the people that we find and build relationships with that matter most.
Angela and I were connected by a mutual friend whom we each met in this wild world of entrepreneurship, Ivy Calvert. Understanding how Angela's and my worlds collide, Ivy made the introduction, and I am so glad she did!
Finding people that you connect with and want to invite to Friendsgiving, or host for a playdate, or even go on a shared family vacation is huge. Not to mention having fellow parents that you can list as "emergency contacts" for school forms when you don't even have your own phone number or address memorized is immensely comforting. We hope you enjoy Angela's tips on building your Parenting Village in your new homes as you live this nomadic lifestyle.
Guest Blog by Angela Vitiello
Arriving in another country and getting your bearings can be tough. Once you’ve got your house situated, kids in school, and your daily routine set up, sooner or later you’ll start to discover that something is missing. You don’t have your village, and your friends and family live 1,000+ miles or kilometers away. You feel like you’re struggling to connect with others. Of course you have the school community, yet that sometimes feels a bit forced. What’s an expat parent to do?
As an expat for 14 years now, I’ve absolutely been there. Here are three tips that I’ve personally found to be helpful in creating your very own expat community as a parent.
Utilize tech to find groups
When I first moved to Seoul, ROK, I really missed Sunday lunches with my family. I searched for “Italian lunches” and found a beautiful little club called “Club Italia Seoul.” Going to this club not only filled my belly, but it also fed my soul. I met some amazing people from all over the world, working in many different sectors, whom I now call friends. Once I had children and was living in Belgium, I craved connection with other moms. I felt the need to see if my struggles were my own or if I wasn’t alone. Again, I turned to the internet and this time found multiple groups here in Brussels that focus on connection, children, common interests and more. Facebook is a great place to start. The possibilities here are endless (language/culture based, twins/multiple births, neurodivergent and so much more), truly search for what you crave or desire for your community and expat life.
Explore hobbies and passions
A beautiful way to build community is through a hobby or passion. By connecting with those things that you make you happy or challenge you to learn something that you’ve always wanted to learn, you can meet a lot of new people. For me, this was African dance classes and for my husband, this was aikido. For others, it could be knitting, a book club or a public speaking club like Toastmasters. This not only fills your cup, but it shows your children that you care about other things other than them. This in turn teaches them that it is important for parents to have other roles or interests in their life other than parent. It’s also a beautiful form of self-care, which shows your children one of the many examples of self-care in daily life that is not just about work/school.
PRO-TIP: Having hobbies or passions, that you actively pursue throughout life, alleviates most of the struggles of an empty nest or retirement.
Become a local
Becoming a local makes you feel like you’re a part of the community. This could be something like a nearby coffee shop or restaurant, or it could be at a local gym or (martial arts, dance or otherwise) studio for you or your children. The conversations that happen in a place where you feel a sense of belonging usually leads to bonding. This releases a lot of feel good hormones in your body and also decreases stress. Additionally, this helps alleviate loneliness and makes you feel that you belong to something bigger than yourself.
If you’re not ready to become a local somewhere, there are smaller steps to become a regular: say hello and strike up a conversation with the security guard or the person who serves you your morning coffee. This will give you a boost of feel-good hormones, and you’ll also give the other person a boost by making them feel seen and appreciated.
PRO-TIP: Treat a local to coffee. This is a great way to get to know someone and their culture.
I employed this tip when I moved from the Netherlands to Belgium, and it really helped me get past the theory of cultural differences and understand things from a more hands on point of view. Additionally, this invitation to coffee works well if you're an introvert and don’t want to become part of a larger group of people. This way of meeting and connecting with others can start from talking to other parents at the playground or kids' area, asking locals for advice on great things for kids to do or go or even better, ask advice on great things for adults to do.
Being an expat requires you to constantly step out of your comfort zone to connect with others. Connection is SO important. As adults, we crave being heard, seen, and feeling safe—just like our children. We are driven by connection and without it, loneliness shrinks our capacity to thrive. And shrinking is no way to live the beautiful, enriching, always curious and expanding expat parent life.
Angela's Bio
Angela is the founder and owner of Expat Parenting Collective and Vitiello Consulting (two organizations focused on self-leadership, thought leadership and leadership development). She is an INSEAD alumna, member of EMCC (European Mentoring and Coaching Council) and IOC Harvard (Institute of Coaching at McLean-Harvard Medical School). She has an MBA and a Master of Science in Education.
Angela is a citizen of the world who is passionate about self-awareness, intercultural connections, education and communication. She is described as a risk taker, resilient, one who embraces challenges with an entrepreneurial spirit, and enjoys taking the path less traveled. Her passions are travel (35 countries and counting), culture, lifelong learning, meditation and reading. She speaks English as well as French and Italian conversationally and lives in Brussels, Belgium with her husband and two children.
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