It's Guest Blog Time!
The phone alarm sounded at 6:00 a.m. as it does each weekday. I am not much for mornings, especially as the air starts to cool in the autumn months, and the sun creeps up slower and slower each day. I opened the cabinet for a mug to pour in some warm coffee and remembered that the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. Closing the cabinet, I pulled open the dishwasher door to reveal shiny, clean dishes that could brighten up a dreary kitchen. You may think this is to be expected, it should be this way; but it took my family a surprisingly long time to figure out how to get truly clean, TV commercial clean dishes from our dishwasher.
Getting out my sparkling mug and filling it with delightfully brewed coffee to shuffle outside in the dark and warm up the car felt doable after a hectic weekend. Knowing that I wasn't about to reload or hand scrub dishes just to have a clean mug is a relief to me. It means I get to go on to the next task at hand and not start my day already frustrated over duplicate efforts. As my daughter climbed into the warmed car, with her trombone already loaded in the passenger seat, she could start her week with less worry about being late or forgetting her instrument.
Finding these little ways that we can create self-care for ourselves and our family is crucial with the chaos of everyday life. Heading into the holiday season, it is a good time to remind ourselves that building in ways to have reliable, stress-free moments in life improves our overall wellbeing. This is why we invited Jen Evans of Bloom Counseling to share her tips for everyday self-care.
Guest Blog by Jen Evans
We have all heard the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” We have heard the flight attendant tell us to put our masks on before we help someone else. But, surely that doesn’t apply to us, right? Somebody has to oversee this PCS, get the kids enrolled in a new school, start to learn a new language, and make the house feel like home.
Now that we are well into the school year, or perhaps a few months into a new post, there is no better time to remember that we too have needs. We have all seen self-care trending on social media, but real self-care is so much more than massages and manicures.
Check In With Yourself
First things first, we have to be in touch with our own feelings. Maybe you are overwhelmed and stuck in “freeze mode”, or perhaps you have put everyone and everything before your own needs and are running on fumes. Ask yourself- how do I feel? And when you answer that, determine what you need to support yourself.
If you feel exhausted, see if your schedule will allow for a nap or even just a rest break. Experts say the ideal nap is 20-30 minutes. Surely, we can make time for that. Is everything on your to-do list absolutely crucial at this very moment? Think about the importance of each item on your list. Is there something on your list that can wait? Sometimes evaluating each item will help you to identify the time that you do have to give yourself a moment to rest and then revisit your to do list later with a fuller cup.
Talk It Out
Sometimes the simple act of voicing your worries out loud will help to reduce your mental load. Share your feelings early and often; letting them build only breeds fear and frustration. Discussing issues with friends, family, or colleagues allows you to hear your own thoughts articulated, which can lead to new solutions or ways of thinking about a problem. When you are at work, you can chat with a colleague, or vent via voice note with a friend living back home.
PRO-TIP: Share your emotions early and often—address them as they arise.
Find An Outlet
Scheduling moments just for you amidst family obligations is vital. Dive into a beloved hobby, try something new, or carve out time for you. If you are new to post you can consider setting up a time to engage in a shared activity with other newbies who are probably feeling the same way you are. Participating in group activities or engaging with others in shared interests helps to foster a sense of community and belonging. Everyone deserves something to look forward to on the calendar.
PRO-TIP: Schedule "me time" and give it the importance you would a family commitment.
Get Moving In Nature
Movement, especially in nature, is a great form of self-care. Nature is a shortcut to centering and reconnecting to your emotions, especially when navigating uncertainty. If you feel escalated or out of
body, try this simple grounding exercise of taking in the environment around you.
Ask yourself:
What colors do I see?
What smells do I notice?
How does the temperature feel on my skin?
Involving your senses will help you to be present in the moment.
PRO-TIP: Nature is a shortcut to center yourself.
If you are feeling stagnant or disconnected with your physical health, try seeking out the gym, and if that is out of reach, try an online workout. There are so many exercise options available online that you can easily choose something that interests you and fits your schedule. Let your body flow!
Reach Out
Try connecting with someone who understands, whether it is a friend, family member, or fellow-EFM. Reaching out to others who understand this lifestyle can be incredibly valuable. Our lives are beautiful—we are fortunate—and they can also be confusing and difficult. We have all been there, in the thick of it, and there is tremendous relief in validation, and the knowledge that we are not alone. Last, but certainly not least, know that it is okay to not have it all together, and more than okay to ask for help.
Jen's Bio
Jen Evans is an EFM, therapist, and Mom who started her private practice, Bloom Counseling, while posted in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
Jen found herself halfway across the world with a newborn and toddler during COVID and amongst a burgeoning civil war. She searched for her own therapy but could not find a therapist who was willing to work with her while posted overseas and who understood the challenges of expat life.
Away from her own support system, she noted this gap in care for diplomats and expats and founded Bloom Counseling to address those needs. Four years later, she is posted in Mexico City with her husband, two young girls, and Bernese Mountain Dog and feels fortunate to meet the unique needs of her community everyday.
Comments